Baconsale

We never know what to expect when we hand over the reins to you, the listener. But on this episode of Baconsale, Joel, Kent, and Zack are, once again, going to take turns reading scary stories that you submitted and watch the chaos unfold. We’ll do our best to not step on any petrifying punchlines, but there may be some slight mockery, so we don’t get too frightened. Watch out for insidious inside jokes, unnerving night chasers, gangly creatures, bone-chilling books, intimidating impersonations, mysterious girls in the woods, spooky stairs, and more. We’ll share as many terrifying tales as we can before our mouths stop working, but we hope you enjoy this hair-raising read-a-thon.

 

Thank you to everyone who submitted a story. Press play to make your voice crack.

Here at Baconsale, we understand that fear is subjective. Yes, we understand that, but that doesn’t stop us from arguing about it. Kent found a list of the scariest horror movie moments of all time, made by the streaming service Shudder, and we decided to tier 31 of these terrifying scenes. Please note that this isn’t an episode you want to listen to with your kids, since we will be describing some pretty intense parts from films such as Wait Until Dark, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream, Pan’s Labyrinth, and Hereditary. However, we’ll keep things as family friendly as possible and not share too many gory details. And remember, while we have mad respect for these scary movies, the YouTube versions are different.

 

Don’t go into the basement and get a little possessed, press play!

There is a podcast beyond that which is known to the listener. It is a creation as vast as cinema and as timeless as television. It is the middle ground between pop and culture, between family and friendly, and it lies between the pit of your ears and the summit of your knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is a podcast which we call Baconsale. And on this episode, we’ll be discussing The Twilight Zone. Joel, Kent, and Zack will start by sharing the history of this iconic TV series and its equally emblematic host. After that, we’ll give our bottom five and top five episodes along with a few awards in between. And we will do all this while occasionally doing our best impersonations of Rod Serling.

 

That's the signpost up ahead—your next stop, pressing play!

We admit that Baconsale may sneakily be sliding into the spooky season with this episode. What’s the worst that could happen? Uh-oh, we started the apocalypse. Joel, Kent, and Zack are going to be creating original post-apocalyptic flicks right before your very ears! Utilizing the classic childhood game of M.A.S.H., we’ll be choosing the vibe, the director, the type of world-ending disaster, our iconic costumes, our weapon of choice, our sidekick, our main antagonist, and important plot points of each movie. And then you get to decide if you prefer movies with heavy-handed messages, surprising plot twists, peach-flavored catastrophes, rubber chickens, giant robots, or copyright-free worlds of water.

 

Don’t run away in French just because Kent is selfish. Press play!

The cinematic career of every actor must end at some point, and on this episode of Baconsale we’re going to be discussing the best and worst examples of some final films. Joel has a theory that no one’s last IMDb credit is great, while Kent is just proud of himself for watching movies older than 1980. And Zack is going to be picking apart their choices as we debate cameos versus starring roles, animated voice work versus live-action roles, and if TV movies actually count. There will be times when we bring the room down little as we talk about celebrity deaths and conspiracy theories, but we’ll do our best to keep things light-hearted as we examine the concluding performances of some well-known actors and actresses.

Posthumously press play!

What’s the deal with stand-up comedians? Why do they gotta be standing all the time? Can someone get these comics a chair? I’m sure their legs are tired. But seriously, folks, on this episode of Baconsale we’re doing material about some of the most famous names in stand-up comedy. Joel, Kent, and Zack have prepared some bits for such categories as Better on Stage than in Film, Makes Me Laugh Every Time, Too Blue to Be Funny, Favorite Classic Comedian, and Most Annoying Shtick. We’ll do our best to work the crowd as we explain jokes, do some questionable impersonations, and don’t get any respect.

 

Press play to start self-depreciating and remember, it’s okay because it’s comedy.

Every couple years, we get the urge to ask ourselves, “What Would Baconsale Do?” So that’s what we’re doing on this episode of the podcast. However, instead of one host asking all the questions, this time Joel, Kent, and Zack are all going to take turns picking the brains of the other two with bizarre, humorous, and thought-provoking questions. You’ll hear some classic WWBD categories including shopping cart situations and would you rather scenarios, but you’ll also hear some new psychological situations such as Mr. Beast challenges, teleportation dilemmas, and celebrity voice impersonations.

 

Sprinkle a circle of pepper around yourself, watch out for beta fish, and press play.

Let’s (open) face it, sandwiches are pretty much the best thing since sliced bread. And on this episode of Baconsale, we’re going to be tiering 27 of the most popular sandwich types in the world. Joel, Kent, and Zack will be ranking Reubens, chatting about cheesesteaks, musing on Monte Cristos, grilling each other about gyros, babbling on about bologna, talking about tuna fish, and pondering peanut butter & jelly. We’ll conduct the 7-Eleven test and be reminded how much Zack loves fake cheese, how much Kent hates mayo, and how badly Joel wants to give everything a tier 1. It’s no picnic to have to decide which sandwich goes where, but it’s a bizarrely entertaining episode, even at Subway.

 

Press play to poob regnif!

Wake Up Dead Man, it’s time for Baconsale to take A Big Bold Beautiful Journey and look ahead to the films releasing this fall and winter. We’ll begin by Conjuring up the Last Rites for the movies we want to bomb. It’s One Battle After Another as we take The Long Walk through all that Fire and Ash. However, The End Continues when we use our podcast For Good and give our picks for each film we think is a Good Boy. This episode can feel like a bit of a Frankenstein at times, but Joel, Kent, and Zack will do their best to keep you entertained and make it to The Grand Finale.

 

Do The Running Man, and then press play to Search for SquarePants.

Joel, Kent, and Zack are sweating here in the Baconcave, because we asked you, the listener, to send us your hot takes about pop culture subjects, and you delivered. So now it’s up to us to determine the temperature (Fahrenheit or Celsius) of your strongly worded opinions and decide which ones will sit at the top of the Baconsale hot take thermometer. We hope you enjoy our debates about your controversial (and sometimes hyperbolic) views on Nickelback, The Hobbit, Buc-ee's, 90s movies, Chick-fil-A, Star Wars, Weezer, Pedro Pascal, maple-flavored doughnuts, Friends, Timothée Chalamet, Halloween, audiobooks, sharks, Steve Urkel, and more.

 

Press play to learn how I met your dragon.